pro_ana_banana's Xanga

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 00:58:20 GMT

I needed a brand new start. new xanga http://www.xanga.com/tiny_martini_131 . Subscribe and add too friends please!

:( :( cries....

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 03:35:16 GMT

Yesteday was about 1050 calories. :( I cried. But I have to stop myself from slidding down so far. I deserved to cry. Today is a new start! I need to lose 4 pounds a week to get to my goal of 120 by August 18. Tommorow I am going to have a STRCT sall intake since i'm bad at fasting.

~~Meal#1-Breakfast:/Lunch-11:30 - Cornflakes and 1 peice dry toast-150~~

~~Workout#1-12:30 - Yoga 30 minutes - -70~~

~~Meal#2-Snack-3:00 - popcicle and leftover bread stick-110~~

~~Workout#2-whenever-2 20 minute walk around my house up and down stairs and stuff - -140~~

Meal#3-Dinner-7:00 - Cornflakes and toast(dry no toping)-190

tatal intake-450 total outtake-210(might opt. for a bit more)

It's alright I guess. I have to train my body to eat less and less every week. I guess that will do. Here are my aloud drinks. 6 glasses of water(tall). 1 small glass of skim milk (for the protien) OR 1 V8 (smallest cup, vegtable intake haven't been getting enough veggies).

I saw Hairspray yesterday. I was really kool and I loved it. Zac Efron is sooo adorable and has the sexyest blue eyes ever. I was kind of disopointed that the Fat girl won Zac in the end. I liked Amber and her mom they were meen but funny. And Amanda bynes is realy tall and skinny I love that! Here is some thinspo. (alot of my favourites)

water: {X}{X}{X}{X}{ }{ }{ }

EWWW!

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 03:24:05 GMT

k yesterday I ate 1250 FUCKING CALORIES!!!!!!! I hate myself so much, so today is gonna be as little as possible but the worst part is i might go to the movies:(:(. What food at the movie theatre has the least calories? I hope someone knows. Add m on myspace, I don't care who you are. myspace.com/dancing_queen_xox

self pics:

You can accually see my collar bones!!!!!! I will try and weigh myself soon.

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edit;;; I changed my layout once again. I keep getting bored of old ones. Do you guys like this one better?

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 15:11:47 GMT

I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows!!! It was an amazing book. Now I'm reading a book that I have already read before but loved it, Gossip Girl. There's like 12 different ones though. But there really good.

damage:

B-air/water-0

L-cornfrakes/water-100

D-tba-0

S-tba-Less than 1/2 a can of Raveoli-160

total:260

damage control:

bit of an ab workout -80

total: -80

Can I just say that I loveeeeee Cornflakes. There is only 100 calories per serving and like half of that fills me up. You can also add fruit and stuff. Like strawberries:). So now all I am eating for the next couple days is cornflakes:P.

edit:::: Yah it's 2:30 and I had some Raveoli. (No clue how to spell it). About to do some great workouts from self.com. Comments please.

1. If you aren't thin, you aren't attractive.
2. Being thin is more important than being healthy.
3. Do anything to make yourself appear thinner.
4. Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty.
5. Thou shall not eat fattening food without punishing oneself afterwards.
6. Thou shall count calories and restrict intake accordingly.
7. What the scale says is the most important thing.
8. Losing weight is good - Gaining weight is bad.
9. You can never be too thin.
10. Being thin and not eating are signs of true willpower and success.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 14:33:11 GMT

Yesterday I ended my fast with a majour binge! I had 4 meetballs(290) and to mini bags of Doritos(280) Yah I no I suck. I didn't even get to 24 hours. I don't know whats wrong with me.

Today is a liguid fast. I'm all right at these so mabe I will get to my goal of 48 hours. Hopefully. Leave it. =D

edit;;; Hour 15ish on my fast. It's going well so far. Hopefully I can keep this up. I need to get on track school starts in a little over a month. and I want to lose at least 20 pounds. Think I can do it?

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waterwaterwater:

- drinking water at different temperatures helps you lose weight
- hot water = detox
- lukewarm water control appetite
- cold water energizes and burns cals when the body struggles to maintain its temperature
- so drink hot water with lemon in the morning, lukewarm water before meals, and cold water throughout the day

credit: lerox1 and soontobeperfectionxx

Letter to Ana:::

Allow me to introduce myself. My name, or as I am called by so called "doctors," is Anorexia. Anorexia Nervosa is my full name, but you may call me Ana. Hopefully we can become great partners. In the coming time, I will invest a lot of time in you, and I expect the same from you
.
In the past you have heard all of your teachers and parents talk about you. You are "so mature," "intelligent," "14 going on 45," and you possess "so much potential." Where has that gotten you, may I ask? Absolutely nowhere! You are not perfect, you do not try hard enough, furthermore you waste your time on thinking and talking with friends and drawing! Such acts of indulgence shall not be allowed in the future.

Your friends do not understand you. They are not truthful. In the past, when the insecurity has quietly gnawed away at your mind, and you asked them, "Do I look . . . fat?" and they answered "Oh no, of course not," you knew they were lying! Only I tell the truth. Your parents, let's not even go there! You know that they love you, and care for you, but part of that is just that they are your parents and are obligated to do so. I shall tell you a secret now: Deep down inside themselves, they are disappointed with you. Their daughter, the one with so much potential, has turned into a fat, lazy, and undeserving girl.

But I am about to change all that. I will expect you to drop your calorie intake and up your exercise. I will push you to the limit. You must take it because you cannot defy me! I am beginning to imbed myself into you. Pretty soon, I am with you always. I am there when you wake up in the morning and run to the scale. The numbers become both friend and enemy, and the frenzied thoughts pray for them to be lower than yesterday, last night, etc. You look into the mirror with dismay. You prod and poke at the fat that is there, and smile when you come across bone. I am there when you figure out the plan for the day: 400 calories, two hours exercise. I am the one figuring this out, because by now my thoughts and your thoughts are blurred together as one. I follow you throughout the day. In school, when your mind wanders I give you something to think about. Recount the calories for the day. It's too much. I fill your mind with thoughts of food, weight, calories, and things that are safe to think about. Because now, I am already inside of you. I am in your head, your heart, and your soul. The hunger pains you pretend not to feel is me, inside of you.

Pretty soon I am telling you not only what to do with food, but what to do ALL of the time. Smile and nod. Present yourself well. Suck in that fat stomach, dammit! God, you are such a fat cow!!!! When mealtimes come around I tell you what to do. I make a plate of lettuce seem like a feast fit for a king. Push the food around. Make it look like you've eaten something. No piece of anything . . . if you eat, all the control will be broken . . . do you WANT that?? To revert back to the fat COW you once were?? I force you to stare at magazine models. Those perfect-skinned, white-teethed, waifish models of perfection staring out at you from those glossy pages. I make you realize that you could never be them. You will always be fat and never will you be as beautiful as they are. When you look in the mirror, I will distort the image. I will show you obesity and hideousness. I will show you a sumo wrestler where in reality there is a starving child. But you must not know this, because if you knew the truth, you might start to eat again and our relationship would come crashing down.

Sometimes you will rebel. Hopefully not often though. You will recognize the small rebellious fiber left in your body and will venture down to the dark kitchen. The cupboard door will slowly open, creaking softly. Your eyes will move over the food that I have kept at a safe distance from you. You will find your hands reaching out, lethargically, like a nightmare, through the darkness to the box of crackers. You shove them in, mechanically, not really tasting but simply relishing in the fact that you are going against me. You reach for another box, then another, then another. Your stomach will become bloated and grotesque, but you will not stop yet. And all the time I am screaming at you to stop, you fat cow, you really have no self-control, you are going to get fat.

When it is over you will cling to me again, ask me for advice because you really do not want to get fat. You broke a cardinal rule and ate, and now you want me back. I'll force you into the bathroom, onto your knees, staring into the void of the toilet bowl. Your fingers will be inserted into your throat, and, not without a great deal of pain, your food binge will come up. Over and over this is to be repeated, until you spit up blood and water and you know it is all gone. When you stand up, you will feel dizzy. Don't pass out. Stand up right now. You fat cow, you deserve to be in pain! Maybe the choice of getting rid of the guilt is different. Maybe I chose to make you take laxatives, where you sit on the toilet until the wee hours of the morning, feeling your insides cringe. Or perhaps I just make you hurt yourself, bang your head into the wall until you receive a throbbing headache. Cutting is also effective. I want you to see your blood, to see it fall down your arm, and in that split second you will realize you deserve whatever pain I give you. You are depressed, obsessed, in pain, hurting, reaching out, but no one will listen. Who cares?!?!! You are deserving; you brought this upon yourself.

Oh, is this harsh? Do you not want this to happen to you? Am I unfair? I do do things that will help you. I make it possible for you to stop thinking of emotions that cause you stress. Thoughts of anger, sadness, desperation, and loneliness can cease because I take them away and fill your head with the methodic calorie counting. I take away your struggle to fit in with kids your age, the struggle of trying to please everyone as well. Because now, I am your only friend, and I am the only one you need to please.

I have a weak spot. But we must not tell anyone. If you decide to fight back, to reach out to someone and tell them about how I make you live, all hell will break lose. No one must find out, no one can crack this shell that I have covered you with. I have created you, this thin, perfect, achieving child. You are mine and mine alone. Without me, you are nothing. So do not fight back. When others comment, ignore them. Take it into stride, forget about them, forget about everyone who tries to take me away. I am your greatest asset, and I intend to keep it that way.

Sincerely,

Ana

dunno:(

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:15:10 GMT

Ugh. I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK. yeah that's how much I suck. This week has beed super fun with sleepovers and party and stuff but it has been a total mess. I ate like a normal person and i hate myself for it. fasting for as long as it takes.

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edit;;; Had a nap at 11:30 and didn't wake up till 6ish. When I woke up I had know idea if it was morning or night :( I hate that!!!

Home & Daily Life Activities
Child-care: bathing, feeding, etc.	89.3	Child games: moderate, hop-scotch, jacks, etc.	119
Cleaning House: general	89.3	Cleaning: light dusting, straightening up, taking out trash, etc.	74.4
Cooking / Food Preparation	59.5	Food Shopping: with or without cart	68.4
Heavy Cleaning: wash car, windows	89.3	Ironing	68.4
Making Bed	59.5	Moving: household furniture	178.6
Moving: carrying boxes	166.7	Moving: unpacking	104.2
Playing w/kids: moderate effort	119	Playing w/kids: vigorous effort	148.8
Reading: sitting	29.7	Standing in line	35.7
Standing: bathing dog	104.2	Sleeping	26.7
Vacuuming	104.2	Watching TV	29.7

Friday, July 20, 2007

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 14:46:36 GMT

Birthday party today!! :). I'm kinda excited but i wish i lost more weight. It's at this model place and we are gonna get our hair done and our nails done. I wish I was skinny and that I lost more weight. :( Oh well nothing I can do now. Still fasting.

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131

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 04:19:47 GMT

Ah bored and can't sleep. My birthday is officially over. How sad :(. Now I have to wait a whole year till my next one. Oh well. No idea how much I weigh right now but I was really depressed when I went shopping with my friend Melissa. She was always a tiny bit bigger than me. I haven't seen her in a while.When she got to my house she wanted to were a pair of my pants, so I gave her a really cute pair. And guess what?!?!?! They were HUGE on her. Well mabee not huge but they were big. Shes now a size 3. And doesn't even care thats shes lost weight. I hate people like that.

I had a very "interesting" conversation with a boy that I met on www.espinthebottle.com . It was a lot of fun. I sent him some pictures of me and he made me feel pretty for once in my life. Wetalked about some other things to. but I wont say them on here. :)

Tomorrow my cousin Marissa (3) and her sister Brittany (13) are coming over. Shes a frigan toothpick. She eats like a horse and doesn't gane an once. The bitch. Sorry i'm in a mad fase. I'm accually good friends with her. We hang out alot. We go shopping, amousment parks, movies normal couzin stuff. Well we both have problems. She has horrile acne. Well it's not that bad, but it's alot worse than mine. Hmmm, probally from all the junk food she eats. I know, I'm rambing on for no good reason. I'm so bored. It's 2AM here and I can't sleep. Anyone wanna talk?

edit;;; I accually like my new sleeping pattern. I go to sleep at aout 6AM (I no it's already morning :P) And I get up at about 12PM. The reason I go to bed at that time is because I tell my parents that I'm going to bed a midnight but really I just sit in my room, talk on my computer, read and such. I can't go to the Kitchen after midnight so I stay awake for hours I can't be in the kitchen and go to sleep when I can. I no VERY confusing.

edit;;; Kay I think everyone (Mom, brother, Brittany and Marissa) just left for Dairy Queen. They are walking but it's about a 25 minite walk so they should be gone for over an hour. YAY! I get the house to muself! But i'm mad at myself. I ate 130 calories :(.

edit;;; Worst hunger pains ever. Any have any good tips to deal with them?

Stay Srong And Starve On Bitches

other stuff:

Height Healthy        Under        Under        Under
             Weight          15%           25%          35%

5'           100lbs         85lbs         75lbs          65lbs

5'1         105lbs         89lbs         78lbs          68lbs

5'2         110lbs         93lbs      82.5lbs       71.5lbs

5'3         115lbs         97lbs         86lbs       74.5lbs

5'4         120lbs       102lbs       90lbs          78lbs

5'5         125lbs       106lbs         93lbs          81.lbs

5'6         130lbs     110.5lbs      97.5 lbs       84.5lbs

5'7         135lbs       114lbs       101lbs          87lbs

5'8         140lbs       119lbs       105lbs      91lbs

5'9         145lbs       123lbs       108lbs          94lbs

5'10       150lbs    127.5lbs    112.5lbs       97.5lbs

5'11       155lbs       131lbs       116lbs        100lbs

6'           160lbs       136lbs       120lb      110.5lbs

mini fast started at 7:30PM

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Hmmmmm.

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 04:11:31 GMT

It's my birthday. And only 1 AM here. ?!?!

An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person.

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 23:53:49 GMT

Sorry for not updating. My computer was broken. Guess what??? Tomorrow is my birthday. So why arn't I excited? Hmmm I can name a few reasons. comments please. and btw if I get 30 subscribers I will start posting pics

edit;;; I have been kind of disapointed by the about of omments i have been getting. I used to get at the LEAST 5 a day now II have been getting like, well, 1. You guys know for a fact I aways comment back. Oh well.